A Floor Kiss: Lately, I have been sorrowing, but haven’t done anything to be sorrowful about.  I have been repenting over past mistakes, but not fresh ones.  I feel like Maria who decides to kiss the floor of her enemy, before ever making a mistake.   The Lord has planted things in my mind to remind me of my error, and my vulnerability, before I have made any mistakes…  I have been praying wonderful prayers each morning that humbly petition and help and have been joyfully receiving much grace through the day that is not me, it is supplemented of Him.

New Tricks: Yesterday, while I was doing the dishes, and my daughter was complaining, I pictured in my mind this beautiful, heavenly princess that the Lord loved dearly.  This image became so poignant that I over ran feelings of irritation I was experiencing.  I was able then to wait till I felt very calm, delivered a very appropriate consequence, and went on with my day.  This idea came from a talk I heard on Sunday where a wonderful woman spoke to us about employing various techniques to keep us in wisdom’s path.

Happy as a clam: Today ended so happily as a family, we went to my midwife appointment, went to the park, ate french fries, enjoyed the chill air, came home, took a nap, let the kids watch a movie they’d chosen at the library time.  My daughter wanted to have our missed circle time at dinner and it went charming.

Still Sorrowing: I enjoyed some hubby time, but found myself crying at the emotional ebbs of the background music, sorrowing over my mistakes in parenting.  I found myself pleading to the Lord to fix my mistakes of the past through His Son’s blood, and keep me in the path of love in the future.  I shun at the thought of future mistakes.   I read “Raising your Spirited Child” again after these tears, which is written by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.  I felt great peace in doing so, and wrote the things I learned in my journal.  I feel I have reached a point of humility where I and the Lord both know I can’t do it alone and will even fail miserably.  Because I have not forgotten that I need Him, He’s kept my weakness at the forefront of my mind, reminded me in gentle ways of my vulnerability and need for Him, and taught me from scriptures, and “the best books.” (“…seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best ^abooks words ofwisdom, seek learning even by study and also by faith; Doctrine and Covenants 109:7)  Not that I’ve been perfect, I haven’t, I’ve had my share of bloopers, but I feel I am at a good place.  I like this sorrowing before hand much better.  The Lord calls it Remembering.  ”6 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, you that belong to this church, have you sufficiently retained in ^aremembrance the captivity of your fathers? … 26 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a ^achange of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the ^bsong of redeeming love, I would ask, ^ccan ye feel so now?” Alma 5:6, 26

A real laugh and an “Aha”: But I have to laugh because Kurcinka says “A guide for parents whose child is more”….intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, energetic.”  I was talking to my mom on the phone and it dawned on me that I am a spirited woman trying to raise a spirited child.  So, I couldn’t stand a single scratchy item of clothing, wouldn’t wear anything that ‘popped up’.  Could read my moms mind since the time I was four, and poked my brothers and sisters eyes when I got mad….  And somehow I had myself fooled into thinking I was the perfect child and deserved such a perfect child.  Somehow my mom loved me so dearly and praised me so perfectly, that I thought I was her angel.  Oh what a miracle it will be if I talk to my daughter, in future years and find she thinks, why can’t I have a daughter just like me?  Don’t I deserve that?  Then I will know I have succeeded, just like my mom has succeeded with me~  <3